There may have come a time in your life where sex just isn’t apparent anymore, does it seem that you have suddenly lost the interest in it or feel as though something is holding you back from making that move with your partner, has that sexual connection dissipated?
Sexual confidence and the lack of it can really bring you down making it even harder to make that all important move to a better and more interesting sex life.
This blog post will help you to overcome that lack of confidence getting you on track for a happier future with your loved one.
What Is A Lack Of Sexual Confidence?
Absolutely anybody can have a lack of sexual confidence if you are suffering right now you’re not alone. Both men and women can at any time in their lives be hit with confidence issues surrounding that one subject.
Having a lack of sexual confidence isn’t confined to one aspect, it’s not all about being able to ‘do the deed’ as such, there are many more factors surrounding it and having a lack of confidence in any of these surrounding factors can make your life seem like a living hell unable to enjoy yourself for fear of something going wrong.
Some of the surrounding factors of sexual confidence are outlined below:
- Own personal appearance Feeling that you’re not attractive enough for the opposite sex
- Unsure of own sexuality not sure if you are in the correct partnership
- Fear of the opposite sex
- Uncertainty in what you’re doing
- Health issues certain health issues can cause low libido making it harder to perform
- Shy with new partner
- Confidence in your ability to please
Having uncertainty in any of these issues can lead to a lack of confidence in the bedroom and can easily feel like a burden when it’s ‘that time’ and you are unsure if you can go through with it.
What Causes Lack Of Sexual Confidence
Sexual confidence like regular confidence is built and learnt, from a young age were told not to talk about stuff in front of our parents or grandparents and when a film with a rude scene came on the TV it was a quick scramble from mum and dad as to who could find the remote the quickest to turn the TV over.
It’s when we get to our teens that we can start to discuss this taboo subject a little more with our peers but thanks to peer pressure and needing to conform to the group scenarios we can quickly decrease our sexual confidence thanks to the build-up of “your first time” and wanting to impress but never being able to succeed in that impressive first timer experience.
Fast forward a few years and you’re a fully-fledged adult if you haven’t yet mastered it you’re in a for a rough ride as surely by the time you’re an adult you should know all the tricks and moves right?
Wrong! We all learn and should continuously do so, you don’t find a new habit and once you’ve mastered the first part think you know it all do you? There’s so much more to learn.
These are just a few scenarios that can cause lack of sexual confidence but there are many other factors that can contribute to a lack of self-confidence that we may experience through our lives such as:
- Self confidence in appearance
- Past experiences that didn’t go as planned
- Negative comments from a past partner
- Negative self-talk – asking yourself if your partner has had better in the past
- Feeling that you’re not faceable
- Feeling underappreciated
- A long-time of not having sex due to other circumstances such as long term illness, break up etc.
- Depressive feelings
There are many more circumstances and each person may have their own reasons for it. However as mentioned earlier I can help you to get yourself back on track.
How Can I Overcome Sexual Confidence Issues
Let’s jump back to the section where I mentioned about we all need to continuously learn, this is the key here. You may think that having a great sex life is “doing the deed” making your partner experience orgasmic levels and that’s that. But there is so much more to building a better sex life and feeling more confident, let’s face it if you know you can satisfy your partner on much deeper levels than just orgasm’s that’s what’s important.
Spending time worrying about whether your partner has had better before and whether you’re going to live up to expectations or whether your partner fancies you is one of the worst things you can do, doing the deed is not all that matters in this taboo subject and surely if your partner wants sex with you and is still with you is that not evidence enough that they fancy you still?
It’s all about creating a closeness with your partner, talk to them, smell them when your kissing them, feel their hair, hold their hands close be there in that moment and not spending that special time thinking about what you may be doing in five minutes time. Be mindful and live in that moment.
There is an old Zen saying which is a little like:
“When you’re washing dishes wash dishes, when you’re mowing the lawn mow the lawn, when you’re having sex have sex, don’t spend that time thinking of what you might be doing in the future or five minutes from now”
Give It A Go,
I want you to try with your partner lighting some candles having a glass of wine and spending a few minutes talking about the things you used to do with each other that you really enjoyed, even if you’re embarrassed at first just go with it, have a giggle. As the talk progresses I want you to make sure you really experience your partner, their scent, their hair, the silhouette of their body as you do this your partner will reciprocate your actions. Ensure that you stay there in that moment and don’t allow your mind to wander to the next five minutes just enjoy what is there in front of you at that time and whatever happens will happen just let it be.
No more negative self-talk, no more feelings of uncertainty, your partner will appreciate this part more than ever imaginable and the rest shall we say is history.
Sex has been labelled as “the act” or “the deed” but make sex the whole experience try it next time and see how different you feel.