One of these reasons is the simple fact in the way we communicate and how that communication is perceived. To keep this simple lets look at the 3 main way in which we communicate, linguistically.

These are called Representational Systems or Predicate Preferences

Visual -  This means the communication will be delivered with a visual element. i.e “I see what you mean” “I get the picture”

Auditory – This communication is delivered with a auditory slant. i.e. “I hear what you’re saying” “Listen, when I say x you do Y”

Kinaesthetic – This means the communication will have a touchy feeley slant. i.e. “Hold on for a moment” “I’m getting a grasp of this now”

How to use this to gain a better line of communication.

Te first and most important rule is to simply find out what the other person is using, which REP System do they tend to lean towards. Once you have a clear idea from a certain person you can really make sense to them, hold their attention and really allow them to listen and understand. Creating a strong level of communication is so essential and this is really one of the easiest ways to do this. The eal beauty of this is that it will go undiscovered and the person you are talking with will just feel more comfortable. After all. making people feel comfortable within your space is only a good thing surly.

One of the biggest reasons couples end up needing to visit a mediator is to resolve conflicts usually caused by misunderstandings in the communication with each other, anything of importance which needs to be discussed between them usually ends in more mess and problems by trying, making the only obvious short term course of action, silence. And we all know where that leads!

What happens during a Mediation session?

• First and foremost, we need a desired outcome from both people.
• Assess what’s currently stopping that from happening from both people.
• Gain an understanding of each others perspective.
• Find out each others true needs.
• Creatively brainstorm of ways to move forward.
• Discuss reasons behind each idea.
• Find an agreement.
• Implement strategies.
• (Optional Recording of the session)

This is the most common format for most types of conflict resolution process. However the key in the long term success is to understand the language used by the other person and to become aware of our own languages and processes.

At Absolute Mind I add an additional approach by training each of you in the area of effective communication, it will allow a greater understanding of how and why conversations and statements can be completely misconstrued.

Find out today how you can find an agreement, ensuring you both get what you want, and get some understanding of how much easier communication will be from now on.

This seems to be a metaphor that’s used without much thought to what it means and if there is something we can learn from it and even use to our advantage.

In the world of NLP this is known as Perceptual Positions and as the name does not reflect is actually quite simple to understand and use. In these examples i’ll use 3 ways to demonstrate how these work.

First Perceptual Position

Thi first position is in a fully associated viewpoint (You are looking out of your eyes) this represents your own subjective point of view. Questions like “how does this look on me”? tie in quite nicely. “How did i feel the first day at the interview for my new job”. Anything really with first person language. Another example is think of something which makes you relax. Got it? Well, mine was reading in the shade on the beach, bet yours wasn’t, of course it’s not, this is your subjective view of what you think things are.

Second Perceptual Position

This is the second view of someone else within the context of what’s going on, for example. You could be in a meeting thinking that is was not particularly effective (First Position) and then wonder how one of your colleagues was viewing it. (Second position) In order to do this imagine stepping inside someone else, literally, sit where they are and gain as much of that experience from their “point of view” as possible. We associate this with positions of empathy, or “putting our self in someone else shoes”. The skill of putting your self into this second position is you’ll have a more accurate picture and clearer information than just wondering how someone feels.

Third and Nth Positions

When using the 3rd position, view everything from an outsider point of view, almost as a fly on the wall, someone who is wholly objective and would be talking a disinterested scientific viewpoint. You can also open it up to infinite positions by simply adopting the viewpoint of a casual observer and even moving that person from person to person.

While there are no best positions it’s important ot know that each Perceptual Position has it’s importance, it simply differs from the other circumstances and allows and new perception of experience to be formed.

Exercises for Perceptual Positions

• Think of someone you usually do not get on with and take the second position, see, hear and feel how they do. Notice the change in your our attitudes and behaviour towards that person.
• Think of something which you don’t like, take the Third position and notice how differently it feels.
• You can also take the role of a Film director and take the Third position, just evaluating what needs to happen from that point of view.

Most of all have fun! Make the feeling and images you want richer clearer and brighter, and the ones you don’t want, step into someones elses shoes and look at it from their point of view.

You can learn a whole host of useful day to day NLP techniques by visiting Absolute Mind in Milton Keynes

I will outline here the ares you need to cover in order to make clear and concise goals which you will thoroughly enjoy and stick to, be it for New Year, or any other time. Create more motivation and enjoy achieving your personal goals.

I see people on a monthly basis and they come to me for “more motivation”, as they cannot stick to or achieve their goals. Having no motivation, fundamentally is not the problem, the problem is they haven’t really thought about what they really want, and therefore simply have no drive or desire to get there.

How to create Goals

• 1. What is it you want? Ask yourself this seemingly simple question and notice what you get. Write it down.

People now say to me i know what i want i just find myself not doing it.

• 2. Now look at what you wrote (What you want) Have you written it as you want it, or as you don’t want it?

This is the first of the big mistakes. As a quick run down, most people fail to achieve their goals and give up, sometimes after 1-2 weeks of trying. They feel it’s all too much and decide they will admit defeat and just go back to what they know. The reason the goals aren’t achieved, is the simple fact that the goal was stated in the Negative. i.e. I don’t want to be fat, i don’t want to struggle into that dress, i don’t want to look silly on holiday with all of this fat popping out. So ALWAYS write your goals down in the positive state. i.e. I want to be thin, i want my dress to fit perfectly so i feel sexy, I want to walk along the beach on holiday and feel confident that I’m fit and looking great. Got it?

• 3. Get specific with your goals.

Notice above, we only mentioned “I want to be thin, i want my dress to fit perfectly so i feel sexy, I want to walk along the beach on holiday and feel confident that I’m fit and looking great”. We need to get specific so we know when we have achieved our goal. How this do you want to be? How perfect is that dress going to fit?, what size dress will fit perfectly? What is “Looking Great”? We need to be very specific when setting goals, our mind needs something to focus on and work towards. Get Specific.

• 4. Visualize the Outcome.

This can seem a little corny at first, but how many goals do you think have been achieved if the person had not visualized it first? Every single thing on the plant came from an idea which was created in the mind before it became a reality. Get a good clear picture in your mind, make it rich and bright, get all of the good feelings going as if you have achieved it already. Build it so good that you know exactly what you are working towards anytime motivation may be a little lower.

• 5. The power of “I AM”

Change your internal language to something which is fantastically powerful and motivating. Begin using, “I AM” motivated more and more everyday, “I AM” enjoying eating healthy, “I AM” fantastically confident and “I ALWAYS” achieve my goals. The power of “I AM” is a fantastic resourse.

• 6. What’s Important to you about Achieving your goals?

When things are important we are far more likely to get them done. Clean the car in winter Vs Pay the Council Tax. You’ll be farr more motivated to paye the bill as it is very important. We can also make the things we want important too. “The level of success you will have, is in direct proportion to what you make non negotiable”.

• 7. Time Frame.

Always have a time frame to get your desired goal or outcome. The very idea that you want something is simply not good enough, when exactly do you want it by? Set a clear and realistic time frame to achieve your goal and be on your way to great success. Everything important has a time frame attached, give it a time frame and make your goal important.

• 8. “AS IF”

Do things now and everyday as if you already have achieved those goals. This will create a permanent driver within the brain and ensure your motivation remains strong. As If, also makes it more real, a real insight to how good you will feel, what else may be different. AS IF creates the neurology of a winner. Every person who has ever wanted something and been clear has acted and felt as if they had it already. How many of you have sang into a hair brush?

• 9. Believing is Seeing Not seeing is believing!

You must believe in yourself and absolutely know with all of your heart you can achieve your goal. You are stubborn in your thinking. You know how, when, and even how it feels when you have it. Remember! your brain is always trying to make you right. It will make sure the things you think of show up more in your reality. How many times have you bought a car, and suddenly, you notice them everywhere. Your brain is always trying to make you right. Believe in yourself and you will see more things around to confirm your belief.

• 10. Enjoy it.

Make achieving goals enjoyable! There are so many times that we achieve something fantastic, but because we had to do it, we got no enjoyment from it. Make every goal count feel good about feeling good, and look forward to your next personal goal.

These are just some of the areas i would cover when people visit me for Hypnotherapy in Milton Keynes or even NLP.

Enjoy!

Have you decided you will be making some changes come the New Year, but aren’t sure quite how you will manage it?

How many people do you know who have actually stuck to their New Years Resolution like glue, and achieved their desired goal? Me too! NONE!

All of this can now change, with this simple yet effective explanation of how the brain processes information. This is usually where most of the population fails, drastically and produce little, or even no results for themselves.

The success of the Goals we make is in direct relation to how we verbalise our goal. (internally and externally) So I have outlined so really important factors when setting out your New Years Resolutions. After all and New Years resolution is something that you do want to achieve isn’t?

The first thing you need to know about your brain in order to be successful at keeping to your new years resolution, is the proven fact. Your brain cannot process a negative statement. I’ll give you an example of this, and as I do, don’t pay any attention to how your feet feel, and while I explain the process the best I can don’t think of a blue tree! Did you think of your feet? Did you create a blue tree in your mind? Bet you did!

This is crucially important when making goals for the new year. Always state the goal with things that you do want, and what you are going to do, as appose to not want and don’t want to do. Think of it as you are making a Christmas list of things that you want. I say Christmas list as it’s the very purest in forms of goal setting. How many children have made Christmas List with all of the things that they don’t want. Imagine shopping for that child, walking around Toys R Us would be a disaster, and sure enough, you would keep seeing all of the thing that they put on the list they didn’t want. So the first important rule, Alway make a Goal and Write it “As you do want” and leave out all of the not wants.

Before I go onto explain the next part of this goal setting guide, can I just ask, How many of you enjoy being wrong? None! This is completely right. We are hard wired to aim to be right, as much possible and as part of that process your brain will look for as much evidence to prove you right. You’ve heard the saying I’m sure “focus on the things you want and they will come to you”. This is correct on so many levels, yet the most important one is that your brain is always on the look out for ways to show you just how right you are. The simple fact of saying to yourself “I’m not very good at sticking to goals”. Sure enough, you’ll be right. Your brain won’t make a liar of you.

So how does that help me when making my New Years Resolution I hear you ask.

Quite simply whatever you are thinking of your brain will be looking to make connections to make you right, while deleting all of the don’t, won’t, shouldn’t, mustn’t etc.

As we have a little understanding of how our brain works is the simple reaon most of us a really poor at aking goals and most importantly, keeping to them. we go so wrong. Have you ever made a New Years Resolution to lose weight or stop smoking. You have told the world your plan and said. “I don’t want to be fat, I don’t like being fat. I’m going to try my hardest in the new year to lose this weight even though I’m not very good at dieting”.

All seems positive at the time, but how does you brain decipher all of that intention. Look at the sentence in brackets and see if you can spot the errors now you have been trained in the fine art of goal setting.
“I don’t want to be fat, I don’t like being fat. I’m going to try my hardest in the new year to lose this weight even though I’m not very good at dieting“.

You’re right, once you take out the bold words, as you know the brain does not process a negative, then look at the italics “even though….” Your brain won’t make you a liar of you, what do you get happening in your brain.

If this all seems like too much to do yourself. Go to a Qualified Hypnotherapist and have a few Hypnotherapy sessions and see just how easy you will achieve your New Years resolutions.

Have a wonderful New Year and keep me posted on your New Years resolutions.

Depression is at an all time high now and people all over the world have become attached to the anti-depressive drugs and the serotonin enhancers they have been prescribed. Where does it go from here?

When someone has been taking anti-depressants for a period of time their bodies become dependent on receiving those chemicals, and numbing out any real feelings. When someone is so dependent on such drugs, at what point are they able to fully re-asses their current state and make an informed decision whether they are well enough to carry on with their own daily duties and activities without such hold that the drugs are.

I’ve been working with depressives for a number of years and they will all be very good at telling all of the things that they don’t want to happen and all of the things they are not going to do. In some cases this can be deemed as a positive as they “are sure” of all of the feeling and emotions that they don’t want to feel.

Here lays the problem!

The brain cannot process a negative!  If you say to yourself right now, Don’t think of a Blue Tree! What do you think of? Don’t think of a Pink Elephant! See, you did it again. To give some further examples of how we miss this trick in so many of out daily occurrences.

For those of you who have children, you be able to relate to this perfectly. Why do children seem to want to do everything you have specifically told them not to; “Don’t be home after 8pm.” “Don’t spill the drink.” “Don’t fall from the tree.” How many times have you said to them, “I’ve just told you not to do X and you’ve gone and done it.” You’ll be pleased to know it not down to simply defying you, it’s just the brain does not do a don’t. Don’t pay any attention to your feet as you read this! This is quite simply This seems fairly inconsequential at first glance I agree, however, because the brain is making pictures of all of the thing you have told them not to do, and as everything comes from a single thought the body produces the action.

How does this have anything to do with depression, I here you ask!

If you are feeling low and the world is on top of you, one thing that will help to get to a better place in your head is to simply change your internal dialog. The very act of saying to your self “I’m don’t want to feel down anymore, I don’t like worrying about every small thing in my life” can be the reason this perpetuating cycle of negativity can seem endless. Remember, the brain does not process a negative. Your brain has really heard. “I want to feel down, I like worrying about the smallest of things” and so there is more fuel on the fire and the problems can seem never ending.

Here’s what to do.

Start each day with a few minutes self acknowledge and reciting a series of positive affirmations, which set you up for success everyday. Something like: “Every day in everyway, I’m feeling more positive and fully enjoying every occasion.” The only real guidance here is to state everything that you do want, and everything you do want to feel. Begin to notice the difference immediately.

Feel fantastic today. Live you life without limits.